Ash's way down

So, let's just get straight into it: Yesterday: Weight: 80.7 kg Food: -Rice and curry sauce -Half of a Pringles can -Candy Exercise: -90 min dance class Today: Weight: 80.2 kg Food: -Rice and curry sauce -The other half of the Pringles can -The rest of the candy Exercise: None I'm conflicted. I ate crap yesterday, but I still lost weight. Actually, 80.2 is much better than what I expected. I've been maintaining around 81 recently, so it's actually pretty damn good. I started dance classes again, so I'm getting some exercise (FINALLY), so I'm happy about that. But I always buy shit from the shop when I'm coming home. Hey, you have the day off tomorrow, why not celebrate by stuffing your face! Thank god I didn't eat it all. Somehow I stopped myself, but that just meant that I had to eat the rest of it today, because there's no way in hell I can resist myself. I'm so full right now. My only hope is that I ate everything b...

Here are my weightloss goals and schedule. It could be too challenging, but hey, you can't win if you don't play the game. Or something like that. February 10th: 76 kg. Back to college. No longer obese. June 1st: 64 kg. Summer. Normal weight. September 1st: 55 kg. Back to college. Mid-November: 50 kg. Going to London for the first time. December 24th: 47 kg. Underweight. That's a lot in under a year. But I'm sick and tired of feeling this way. I want to be the skinny friend for once. I don't want to think how fat I'm going to look everytime someone takes a photo of me. I don't want to think whether sitting down makes me look fat or not or how I should hold my arms. I want to borrow clothes from my friends. I want guys to want me. I want girls to want me. I want to wear revealing clothing. I want to be fucking amazing. Oh, and I definately do not want anyone to say that I look like one of their friends just because we're both fat. Thanks for tha...

I'm going to be honest: I've been slacking off. That's the only reason there is. How else would I be obese right now? Obese. That hurts. As it should. I've lacked discipline and let myself get this big. The most fucked up part about it? When I look in the mirror I don't see someone who's obese. I don't think I look that big, at least not with my clothes on . But when someone takes a photo of me, then I see it. And I hate it. I've had disordered eating since I was 12 or 13 and I've been trying to lose weight ever since. The longest I've fasted was 16 days, but I've also eaten thousands of calories worth of ice cream, crisps and sweets in one sitting. No more. No more binges. No more being the fat friend. No more shame, clothes that are too tight or being ignored. Because I'm going to show the world who I really am.